Helping couples move through power struggles.
As couples therapists, we’ve all witnessed couples get stuck in power struggles over their needs. “If you just did x, I would feel better” one parter says. “Well, I could do x if you just did y,” the other partner counters. Couples end up in painful stand-offs where neither partner’s needs are met.
Even when we help couples identify the underlying emotions driving their conflict, that vulnerability can get co-opted straight back into the power struggle (“Our therapist said you need to listen to me better!” “Well, you’re supposed to support me when I express vulnerability!”).
As clinicians, we can feel unsure about how to intervene effectively. We can end up negotiating between partners, trying to help meet their needs. We may inadvertently try to help couples make the power struggle “work better” rather than break out of it.
So how do we support couples do something different?
In this interactive workshop, we will learn a framework and concrete tools to help couples (and us!) recognize the power struggle; exit the power struggle mentality; and process the underlying emotions driving the power struggle without turning emotionality into a tool for power.
We will:
map some common power struggles couples fall into
practice recognizing the power struggle using our embodied awareness
learn tools to shift couples out of power struggle
map how vulnerability gets co-opted back into power plays
learn a framework for emotional processing that leads to connection and breakthrough, rather than reinforcing power
This will be an interactive workshop with experiential activities and role playing. We will draw on your expertise, your experiences, your questions and the places you get stuck. Come prepared to share and dive in as we map these sticky places together!
Light snacks and tea will be provided.
Bio:
Callie Millington is an LPCC who specializes in supporting couples and individuals healing from the impacts of intergenerational and developmental trauma. Her training is in couples work from a Family Systems perspective, incorporating mindfulness practice, parts work/IFS, and somatic awareness. She particularly loves supporting couples to move through their stickiest power struggles towards deeper intimacy and honesty. Before becoming a therapist, Callie worked as a professional musician, educator, and outdoor trip leader. Callie is trained in Buddhist Psychology through Spirit Rock Meditation Center.